This is not going to work, this separation agreement, the co-operation. I just know it. I'm feeling anxious, the same feeling always had when I knew we would get in a fight. Like when I was going to be home late and I was thinking of excuses to make up, or when one of my family or friends called and I could see he was upset about something he overheard and gesuring in the background. I just know something is coming.
I had a meeting with a lady from the local women's shelter yesterday. She is giving me a legal aide certificate for 2 free hours of legal advice, YAY!!. She is strongly recommending that I go through mediaton though, or else go to court, as even a signed agreement with lawyers does not hold up in court well. She said she can see I am making all efforts to work this out, but our arrangements are going to fall apart when Silvia goes to school. She said he is going to fight me about where she goes to school and if it goes to court either we will be forced to move close to each other or one of us will lose custody. This CAN"T be me!!
She also said that I need to file for sole custody, that if he files first, that he will get temporary custody and will be able to keep her from me until the court decides. AGHHH this is my worst nightmare. I am so scared. What do i do? Do I file? I wouldn't keep her from him, I would still let him have everything we've agreed to, I would be guarenteed to get her back though. OMG I am panicking, I shouldn't even be at work, I'm in pieces. But if I do that it will start a war. I know it will. I am falling apart thinking what could happen. I don't know which is woprse, the possibility that he might take her, or the certainty of the fight it will turn into. HELP!!
So I talked to him last night, and yes, he is wavering. He's decided it's over, and was quite pleasant. But he dropped the news that he is talking to a lawyer today, over the phone. I know this lawyer is going to tell him to file for sole custody. He has already suggested he doesn't really agree to my moving near Silvia's daycare solution. I told him if he doesn't agree then there is no way that 50/50 will work. Plus he still hasn't called the doctor to talk about the H1N1 shot, and says he will call HIS family doctor, the one he left 3 years ago. Then he wants to be the one who takes her in.
He's already fighting me and we have joint legal custody. I don't think we are going to be able to agree on this and he is not co-operating with my ideas. I can see this going bad and ending up in court anyway. My god, someone please helkp me. What do I do??????
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
a new low
yup, yesterday I went under.
Saturday morning the realtor came over and I signed all the papers to sell the house. We went through the numbers and it looks like I am coming out with ......nothing!! She thought we could list st $174,500 and hope for a price around 170.
So yesterday I am waiting for a phone call from her around 1-2 pm as she is meeting with him. I get a call, but I can't get to my phone fast enough. The message says that based on the 2 houses being sold across the street, that the most we can list at is probably $169,900. Since they sold for about 165-167, I should be expecting about the same. Nice. Calculations at 165 give me a grand total free and clear of about $100, enough to buy myself some winter boots. Can you beleive it? I'm trading in my whole life for a pair of boots!!!
We were hoping that he would realize that he could still buy the house (and give me $5000) and end up with something, rather than his share of $200. I still haven't talked with either of them. I couldn't call the realtor back until she left Barrie and after that I was too scared to hear whatever her "verdict" was. I am also feeling maniputlated and nervous to talk to him, as he left me a message Saturday night at 12:00 am asking about the bills and why the Rogers bill was $500. Maybe because he never paid his share for his cell phone from the August bill, and because he assumed that the last bill was mine to pay, when really most of it was his as it was billed in advance for October services.
So that's when things really hit me. I sat on the sofa and just started sobbing. Everything I had worked for in my life is gone. My marriage, my home, and even my child. He has taken her from me. I used to have her all the time, and now he has stolen her, ripped her from my arms and I am so empty. There is such a hole when she's not with me. Why should he get to have her as much as me? He never cared before, I had to beg him make him feel guilty to come inside and play with her, bathe her. He doesn't even take her to the park. Why should parents have equal rights at separation just because they are parents? Shouldn't past behaviour, responsibility and relationship with the child matter?
I called my dog up onto the sofa with me and I hugged her. THank God for Chica, she is so good when you are upset, she KNOWS and she is always there. And then we went into the backyard and I just sat there crying and letting the outside air strip away my pain. I don't know how I will go on from here, but I will, because I am strong, and I have to.
Saturday morning the realtor came over and I signed all the papers to sell the house. We went through the numbers and it looks like I am coming out with ......nothing!! She thought we could list st $174,500 and hope for a price around 170.
So yesterday I am waiting for a phone call from her around 1-2 pm as she is meeting with him. I get a call, but I can't get to my phone fast enough. The message says that based on the 2 houses being sold across the street, that the most we can list at is probably $169,900. Since they sold for about 165-167, I should be expecting about the same. Nice. Calculations at 165 give me a grand total free and clear of about $100, enough to buy myself some winter boots. Can you beleive it? I'm trading in my whole life for a pair of boots!!!
We were hoping that he would realize that he could still buy the house (and give me $5000) and end up with something, rather than his share of $200. I still haven't talked with either of them. I couldn't call the realtor back until she left Barrie and after that I was too scared to hear whatever her "verdict" was. I am also feeling maniputlated and nervous to talk to him, as he left me a message Saturday night at 12:00 am asking about the bills and why the Rogers bill was $500. Maybe because he never paid his share for his cell phone from the August bill, and because he assumed that the last bill was mine to pay, when really most of it was his as it was billed in advance for October services.
So that's when things really hit me. I sat on the sofa and just started sobbing. Everything I had worked for in my life is gone. My marriage, my home, and even my child. He has taken her from me. I used to have her all the time, and now he has stolen her, ripped her from my arms and I am so empty. There is such a hole when she's not with me. Why should he get to have her as much as me? He never cared before, I had to beg him make him feel guilty to come inside and play with her, bathe her. He doesn't even take her to the park. Why should parents have equal rights at separation just because they are parents? Shouldn't past behaviour, responsibility and relationship with the child matter?
I called my dog up onto the sofa with me and I hugged her. THank God for Chica, she is so good when you are upset, she KNOWS and she is always there. And then we went into the backyard and I just sat there crying and letting the outside air strip away my pain. I don't know how I will go on from here, but I will, because I am strong, and I have to.
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