Guess who is coming by to visit me today....CAS! When Silvia and I went to our intake appointment for the abused mothers and children program they felt that they needed to report the fact that Silvia had witnessed abuse. I was ok with it, and they thought nothing would come of it since we had been living apart from Pedro for 6 months.
but nope! I get a call yesterday asking if they can come by. We were still in Barrie though after her pre-admission appointment for her surgery. So they are coming by tonight at 8:30. Bedtime. but bedtime will be later anyway, since we have dentist appointments at 6pm.
I am not too worried, since they will see a home where she is well loved, taken care of and has her own room and space to play. However I can't wait to find out how Pedro reacts! At least it was someone else who reported it. They asked me if I wanted to but I said no, because he would then try to claim that I was doing this vindictively.
Should I offer them cookies and milk??
Thursday, January 21, 2010
So yesterday She had her pre-admission appt for her surgery. Of course her Dad finally took an interest and showed up as well.
It was a hard day for me. I told him at first that all I wanted to talk about was how we were going to arrange her care for the week after surgery. But of course it didn't stay that way. He is still making excuses for every little "mistake" he makes. Everything was "oh, I was just mad", "I only did that because you said this.." When is he going to take responsisbility for his own actions???
He said I devastated him by serving him papers just before CHristmas. Did he stop and think how devastating it was to me that I was constntly asking for co-operation and all he could do was stall me, prevent me from moving forward? All because he cannot accept that he F'ed up and threw away everything.
He said yesterday that he wants another chance, to prove to me that he can be a good husband, to treat me the way I should have been, to support me like I always supported him. I asked him why he didn't do that before? Why did you wait until I had nothing left to give? He said he wanted to give me 100% effort, he wants to know he did everything he could to make this work. I told him that I already had given 100%, I could walk away knowing that I gave him every chance and he chose not to act on it. I told him if he had realized this a year ago, that he might have a chance, but now it's too late. I need to be by myself.
Of course there were nasty things said. He threatened to go get a doctor's record that his ear drum had been popped when I slapped him 8 years ago. I said fine, you do realize that I can still report the assault from June? He says he doesn't want to play dirty, but he still won't agree to the Christmas schedule and wants us each to have every other year. I told him that I did not have to give him 50/50 time from the beginning and that if I had been playing nasty from the beginnning then he would only have her every other weekend. He admitted that he knew that. I told him I gave him the chance to be the father he had never been, and he had shown that he could do it. SO I said you have to be fair too.
He really is desperate. He was practically begging for a second chance and I told him that. I said no. You do what is best for your daughter right now and focus on that. He asked if he had really hurt me that bad. I looked at him and told him "yes, you did."
It was a hard day for me. I told him at first that all I wanted to talk about was how we were going to arrange her care for the week after surgery. But of course it didn't stay that way. He is still making excuses for every little "mistake" he makes. Everything was "oh, I was just mad", "I only did that because you said this.." When is he going to take responsisbility for his own actions???
He said I devastated him by serving him papers just before CHristmas. Did he stop and think how devastating it was to me that I was constntly asking for co-operation and all he could do was stall me, prevent me from moving forward? All because he cannot accept that he F'ed up and threw away everything.
He said yesterday that he wants another chance, to prove to me that he can be a good husband, to treat me the way I should have been, to support me like I always supported him. I asked him why he didn't do that before? Why did you wait until I had nothing left to give? He said he wanted to give me 100% effort, he wants to know he did everything he could to make this work. I told him that I already had given 100%, I could walk away knowing that I gave him every chance and he chose not to act on it. I told him if he had realized this a year ago, that he might have a chance, but now it's too late. I need to be by myself.
Of course there were nasty things said. He threatened to go get a doctor's record that his ear drum had been popped when I slapped him 8 years ago. I said fine, you do realize that I can still report the assault from June? He says he doesn't want to play dirty, but he still won't agree to the Christmas schedule and wants us each to have every other year. I told him that I did not have to give him 50/50 time from the beginning and that if I had been playing nasty from the beginnning then he would only have her every other weekend. He admitted that he knew that. I told him I gave him the chance to be the father he had never been, and he had shown that he could do it. SO I said you have to be fair too.
He really is desperate. He was practically begging for a second chance and I told him that. I said no. You do what is best for your daughter right now and focus on that. He asked if he had really hurt me that bad. I looked at him and told him "yes, you did."
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A New standard (Thursday Jan 14)
I decided in early January that I had had enough and I was too worried about him trying to manipulate me anymore. So I spent 2 days in court filing for emergency custody and a restraining order. They didn't order anything for custody, but I was surprised that I got the restraining order. It was only issued for a week though, so I had to be in court again last Thursday for a review of it.
Boy was that one of the best and worst experiences ever. my mom served him a supplementary affidavit before court, and his lawyer served me his in court. He outright lied through most of it, his lawyer actually asked to put a restraining order on me!! He denied almost everything, said the fighting was mutual, but admitted that the relationship was extremely abusive. I don't get it. He even accused me of being sexually molested because we didn't have a heathly sexual relationship!! Hmmmmm you think anyone would want to be intimate with someone who treats them like CRAP????
Anyway, they cancelled the restraining order. Fine with me, we are communicating via communication book now. THe judge has ordered that we still have to share her 50/50, which was devastating at first, until she then ordered that I be the one to make all doctor's appointments and health related appointments ect and keep him informed. She basically gave me a half-assed legal custody (at least for health), which is all I really wanted (to be fair). Now I don't need his permission for anything related to her health.
The only thing that I don't like is that she ordered week-on, week-off, meaning I will be without my girl for 7 days in a row!. She is only 3, I think it is a little too long, and I am completely devastated at the thought.
I have to say that I would NOT recommend anyone else self-defend against a nasty lawyer, esp in an abuse case. It was very hard to check my emotions with him there at first; I felt terribly guilty for letting it get to this point, and sorry for him since he looked so distraught. I couldn't control my tears as I read his affidavit, it was almost completely all lies. While I did fine, was articulate and the judge listened to me, I was not familiar with some of the proceedure and almost lost out on the chance to file my affidavit. The clerk himself went to remind her while she was in chambers. I think he spoke for me too, since my sister said he smiled and looked at me when she made the order for her doctor's visits.
So now I don't need his written permission for counselling (though he agreed verbally in court) and he has confirmed that she is having her surgery. I didn't expect the restaining order to be granted in the first place, and the judge said we should continue exchanging at the police station when required.
Thank God today is over.
Boy was that one of the best and worst experiences ever. my mom served him a supplementary affidavit before court, and his lawyer served me his in court. He outright lied through most of it, his lawyer actually asked to put a restraining order on me!! He denied almost everything, said the fighting was mutual, but admitted that the relationship was extremely abusive. I don't get it. He even accused me of being sexually molested because we didn't have a heathly sexual relationship!! Hmmmmm you think anyone would want to be intimate with someone who treats them like CRAP????
Anyway, they cancelled the restraining order. Fine with me, we are communicating via communication book now. THe judge has ordered that we still have to share her 50/50, which was devastating at first, until she then ordered that I be the one to make all doctor's appointments and health related appointments ect and keep him informed. She basically gave me a half-assed legal custody (at least for health), which is all I really wanted (to be fair). Now I don't need his permission for anything related to her health.
The only thing that I don't like is that she ordered week-on, week-off, meaning I will be without my girl for 7 days in a row!. She is only 3, I think it is a little too long, and I am completely devastated at the thought.
I have to say that I would NOT recommend anyone else self-defend against a nasty lawyer, esp in an abuse case. It was very hard to check my emotions with him there at first; I felt terribly guilty for letting it get to this point, and sorry for him since he looked so distraught. I couldn't control my tears as I read his affidavit, it was almost completely all lies. While I did fine, was articulate and the judge listened to me, I was not familiar with some of the proceedure and almost lost out on the chance to file my affidavit. The clerk himself went to remind her while she was in chambers. I think he spoke for me too, since my sister said he smiled and looked at me when she made the order for her doctor's visits.
So now I don't need his written permission for counselling (though he agreed verbally in court) and he has confirmed that she is having her surgery. I didn't expect the restaining order to be granted in the first place, and the judge said we should continue exchanging at the police station when required.
Thank God today is over.
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