The last day of 2009!

Thank God! This year has been the absolute worst in my life and I am so excited to sweep it out the door tonight and welcome 2010! Yes, there were many wonderful moments, and great, amazing people who were there with me, but overall it has been so trying, hurtful and sad. I don't want to change any of it though. It all had to happen to make me who I am today...a little stronger, a little tougher, and I think even a little more open to what others need.

I mean, when I started this, I would never have thought I could let him have her half of the time. I wanted to hold on to her, keep her to myself, try to protect her from everything that had hurt me. But even at 3 she needs to see what the real world is like. She NEEDS her dad, and keeping her away from him would stop her from making her own choice, letting her have a relationship with her dad, her dad who loves her. It hurts when she is not here, especially today, but I know that one day my daughter will look into my eyes and I will see that she is happy, that she knows what I sacrificed and suffered so that she would have 2 people who love her. I know one day I will see that in her eyes, because my mom has finally seen it in mine. I learned from the best, thank you Mom.

So tonight I will celebrate 2009. Not the horrible crippling parts of it that almost destroyed me, but little embers of love that kept me alive; my daughter, my family, my friends. YOU are my embers, you are the ones who held me up, and I am forever in your debt. Tonight I become the Pheonix and I will rise from the ashes of my life. Welcome 2010!