This is not going to work, this separation agreement, the co-operation. I just know it. I'm feeling anxious, the same feeling always had when I knew we would get in a fight. Like when I was going to be home late and I was thinking of excuses to make up, or when one of my family or friends called and I could see he was upset about something he overheard and gesuring in the background. I just know something is coming.
I had a meeting with a lady from the local women's shelter yesterday. She is giving me a legal aide certificate for 2 free hours of legal advice, YAY!!. She is strongly recommending that I go through mediaton though, or else go to court, as even a signed agreement with lawyers does not hold up in court well. She said she can see I am making all efforts to work this out, but our arrangements are going to fall apart when Silvia goes to school. She said he is going to fight me about where she goes to school and if it goes to court either we will be forced to move close to each other or one of us will lose custody. This CAN"T be me!!
She also said that I need to file for sole custody, that if he files first, that he will get temporary custody and will be able to keep her from me until the court decides. AGHHH this is my worst nightmare. I am so scared. What do i do? Do I file? I wouldn't keep her from him, I would still let him have everything we've agreed to, I would be guarenteed to get her back though. OMG I am panicking, I shouldn't even be at work, I'm in pieces. But if I do that it will start a war. I know it will. I am falling apart thinking what could happen. I don't know which is woprse, the possibility that he might take her, or the certainty of the fight it will turn into. HELP!!
So I talked to him last night, and yes, he is wavering. He's decided it's over, and was quite pleasant. But he dropped the news that he is talking to a lawyer today, over the phone. I know this lawyer is going to tell him to file for sole custody. He has already suggested he doesn't really agree to my moving near Silvia's daycare solution. I told him if he doesn't agree then there is no way that 50/50 will work. Plus he still hasn't called the doctor to talk about the H1N1 shot, and says he will call HIS family doctor, the one he left 3 years ago. Then he wants to be the one who takes her in.
He's already fighting me and we have joint legal custody. I don't think we are going to be able to agree on this and he is not co-operating with my ideas. I can see this going bad and ending up in court anyway. My god, someone please helkp me. What do I do??????
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
File for custody ASAP Cheryl. You can still let him see Sylvia as much as you like but you can't loose control here. (((big hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThanks Cindy, I really need your support right now. My sister said the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm just trying to figure out how to do that.
Cheryl, file asap. I normally wouldn't say anything like that but...given the history and the viciousness...don't waste any time. He is trying to intimidate you, it is working. Act now. Please. Love you.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to agree with everyone here. You need to file your papers NOW. You can still choose to allow him as much visitation as you like but you need to be in control.
ReplyDeleteI am going to file today. I talked to a wonam at the Assaulted Women's helpline last night, she said just go file. Even if he is only stalling things it is still being manipulative. She said I can still offer the same amount of visitation. I would only be taking away his power to control things.
ReplyDeleteHow did it go?
ReplyDeleteit's done. I went to see the lawyer at the courtroom, she said I did need to file right away, there was nothing stopping him from filing. So I filed for full custody.
ReplyDeleteI still have to serve him. I think I will give him a list of collaborative lawyers, the number for the mediation place as well. He can choose what he wants to do. Either Mediation, collaborative law (where the lawyers help you come to an agreement and a children's psychologist is involved) or court. It will be up to him to decide which way he wants to go.
I still plan on letting him have her 50% of the time. It is just important that he not be able to prevent me form making important decisions for her. I will always consider what his opinion is, but he will have to co-operate with me now. I will NOT let him dictate my life anymore, or Silvia's either.
Must be a weight off your mind knowing he can't throw that at you. As I said befor you don't need to use the rights you have, you're just protecting yourself and S in case he tries to do something rash out of spite. Love to you,x
ReplyDeleteThat's great Cheryl. I'm so proud of you. Keep us updated.
ReplyDeleteAs a side note, where the heck are my notifcations? I have done something wrong.
Good for you, Cheryl. You are doing SO well!! (((Hugs)))
ReplyDelete