a conversation with him

So he called me yesterday at work. He was crying. His work had scheduled 12 hour shifts for the next 2 weeks from 7am to 7pm. He asked if i could do him a favour and take our daughter during the week and let him have her for the 2 weekends starting next weekend (Nov 13th). Of course I said no problem. Since her daycare closes at 6 he would not be able to pick her up in time. I also offered to let him have her one night during the week. I said I would pick her up, get her some dinner and then meet him somewhere at 7 after he finished work. I think I was being completely fair and accomodating.

So next he brings up the price of the house. I've already suggested a fair prce of $170,000. Whn he asked for $168,000 I went down to $169,000. This was on Saturday. At that time he would not budge on his number, even though I explained that it would only cost $500 more and that he would be walking away with a house, fully furnished and I would be walking away with my clothes and a bit of furniture.

So yesterday he continues to insist on 168. I told him that he was getting all the appliances, most of the furniture and I wouldn't even have a bed! He said if you don't take 168 then I won't buy it and we'll list it. We'll both walk away with about $2800. This made me so angry!! I said that is emotional blackmail! You would rather sell the house just to spite me rather than negotiate with me and give me an extra $500?? He said he WAS negotiating, but I said no, you picked a price and are holding firm to it, even though OUR realotr has told us to list at $175 and that our house would sell for at LEAST $170!! YOu are taking advantage of me and trying to get me to agree to something that is not fair. Are you trying to control me again?

Of course he then backed off. He said fine, 169 then. At this point I felt like I should apologise, since it felt like I had forced him into agreeing, BUT I DIDN"T. Too many times this kind of thing has happened, where he refuses to be reasonable and fair, fighting so hard against me when I KNOW I AM being fair. This time I resisted the urge. I KNOW I did nothing wrong, I was being fair in lowering my price and I was GOOD to myself by standing up againt his blackmail (or attempt to get me to agree with him). I told him fine, that is how a negotiuation is supposed to work, and accepted his offer.

Of course he then said if we got back together we could avoid all this and I said no, I am starting counselling on Monday and I need to do this on my own. For now this is the best. He wanted to talk about it, but I was getting upset, feeling pressured. I told him I was at work and couldn't talk as I was disturbing my coworkers in the room, and we said goodbye.

After My officemate turned to me and said "I take back my suggestion. I don't think you should try to work on your marriage right now. He is obviously trying to control you and I can see how panicked you were getting. You need to stay apart for now, it's not good for you or your daughter." That made me happy, as she was one of those people I felt a little judged by, she didn't seem yo understand the emotional damage I was living with and how I couldnt deal with him right now. Maybe I hadn't fully explained it to her, but I understood why she wanted to see my marriage work. Now I know she supports my health and happiness first and not just making things right for my family.

It was a good day, and I got FREE tickets for a musical tonight (Toxic Avenger) I'm going with some coworkers and my sister. Sounds like a night I am well deserving.