Case conference is Thursday. I met with my lawyer yesterday, what a pain. We've proposed an interim schedule change that will make sure my daughter is with me on Thursdays to go to her counselling. I will have her every Wednesday and Thursday and he will have her every Monday and Tuesday and we will alternate weekends. My lawyer didn't like the idea she said there was too much back and forth, but essentially it makes every stretch either 2 or 5 days long. IMO that is much better than not having any contact with my daughter for 7 days when she is with her dad. I told the lawyer since we can't communicate then I don't even get to talk to her on the phone and have to go over to her daycare on my lunch break just to see her.
I just want this part over. I have court on Thursday and it is stressing me out. I just need something in writing that will take away the chance for him to control me. Everything else has basically been worked out. There wil have to be some negotiations to settle the finances, but I'm sure it won't be too bad.
As for my last post, the happiness is still continuing!! I went for a walk with a good friend on Saturday afternoon (and my dog!) and we had a good chat. I am hoping to go see Avatar tinght with another friend, and hopefully that will keep my mind preoccupied enough for me to relax.
I have started counting calories and doing tae-bo and after 5 days I saw the scale numbers go down 6 lbs! Not that I expect that trend to continue, but it was very encouraging. No, I am not starving myself. Since I have stopped taking depression meds that has probably helped, and I am focussing on eating a proper amount of healthier food and getting active again. I am so happy that I finally feel motivated to enjoy life again. Seriously, I have missed it!!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
happy!
Yes! The sun is shining, spring is here and I feel like a real person again!. Not to say that I am DONE, by any means, but I feel SO optimistic today.
Last Thursday I stopped taking my depression meds. They just weren't helping anymore. They had done their job and kept me from being too emotional and reactive, but they were also preventing me from dealing with my feelings. It was like I was walking through a fog and everything was muted. I was putting things off and not making any progress. So, when I forgot my pill Friday I just decided that was it. I really haven't had to deal with him too much since I got a lawyer, so I thought it was time to start dealing with myself again. Boy am I glad. While I have had some pretty good ups and downs this past week (and been suffering from the flu along with withdrawal), I have not felt so ALIVE in years.
That brings me to what has been happening. Last Friday I went out to watch the Olympic hockey game with some coworkers. 2 of them live nearby, so I carpooled down with them and we picked up another one on the way. We went downtown Toronto, and there ended up being 9 of us. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I had 3 drinks and was feeling quite good, but not drunk. I swear I must have been glowing.
Saturday I went to another co-worker's housewarming party. OMG, I got so drunk!! HEHEHEHE! I made jello shots and between about 16 of those and 4 Smirnoff Ice I was practically flying. I was surrounded (literally) by the 3 hottest guys (IMHO) at my work and just absorbing the energy from that. I had a great time with a close girlfriend, and one whom I hadn't seen in a long time, and realized that I really miss. And to top it off we started making plans to see each other more often.
Finally I feel like I have that support system again, the kind that will be able to distract me and make me laugh. I have had all of you to listen and support me on here, and that is what got me through. But now I feel like I am on the top of the world. I have friends who will hold my hand and friends who will stand by me no matter what. I couldn't have asked for more.
So WHY do I finally feel so good? Silvia and I have been to 2 counselling sessions now. Because I was off my meds I broke down last night. We were reading about the violence wheel out loud, and when it was my turn I had to read about intimidation. My life WAS all intimidation. I experienced 90% of the types of abuse on that wheel, and there were about 30 examples. While I had already accepted how bad things had been, it was a new experience to have to actually say it out loud.
My voice cracked,I could barely get the words out and I cried, but I kept reading. When I looked around some of the other moms were crying too. And at the end of the night 2 of them came to me and gave me a hug. Finally I have someone else who knows exactly how I feel, why I couldn't leave, and what it feels like to be trapped. So that is why today is so happy, so bright. It is finally spring and my new life is here.
I love you all.
Last Thursday I stopped taking my depression meds. They just weren't helping anymore. They had done their job and kept me from being too emotional and reactive, but they were also preventing me from dealing with my feelings. It was like I was walking through a fog and everything was muted. I was putting things off and not making any progress. So, when I forgot my pill Friday I just decided that was it. I really haven't had to deal with him too much since I got a lawyer, so I thought it was time to start dealing with myself again. Boy am I glad. While I have had some pretty good ups and downs this past week (and been suffering from the flu along with withdrawal), I have not felt so ALIVE in years.
That brings me to what has been happening. Last Friday I went out to watch the Olympic hockey game with some coworkers. 2 of them live nearby, so I carpooled down with them and we picked up another one on the way. We went downtown Toronto, and there ended up being 9 of us. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I had 3 drinks and was feeling quite good, but not drunk. I swear I must have been glowing.
Saturday I went to another co-worker's housewarming party. OMG, I got so drunk!! HEHEHEHE! I made jello shots and between about 16 of those and 4 Smirnoff Ice I was practically flying. I was surrounded (literally) by the 3 hottest guys (IMHO) at my work and just absorbing the energy from that. I had a great time with a close girlfriend, and one whom I hadn't seen in a long time, and realized that I really miss. And to top it off we started making plans to see each other more often.
Finally I feel like I have that support system again, the kind that will be able to distract me and make me laugh. I have had all of you to listen and support me on here, and that is what got me through. But now I feel like I am on the top of the world. I have friends who will hold my hand and friends who will stand by me no matter what. I couldn't have asked for more.
So WHY do I finally feel so good? Silvia and I have been to 2 counselling sessions now. Because I was off my meds I broke down last night. We were reading about the violence wheel out loud, and when it was my turn I had to read about intimidation. My life WAS all intimidation. I experienced 90% of the types of abuse on that wheel, and there were about 30 examples. While I had already accepted how bad things had been, it was a new experience to have to actually say it out loud.
My voice cracked,I could barely get the words out and I cried, but I kept reading. When I looked around some of the other moms were crying too. And at the end of the night 2 of them came to me and gave me a hug. Finally I have someone else who knows exactly how I feel, why I couldn't leave, and what it feels like to be trapped. So that is why today is so happy, so bright. It is finally spring and my new life is here.
I love you all.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
email to legal aide
I am staying at my mom's until sometime in the school year next fall. I am applying to have her attend School in Woodbridge because her current daycare has a bus that transports them back and forth. I do not have confirmation of her acceptance at the school, but was told that as long as she is attending the daycare she should be accepted. I plan on moving to Woodbridge early in the school year (next fall) with the intention of renting an apartment in the school district.
the ex is aware of all this as it has been my plan since we separated. I plan on having her continue in her current daycare (to maintain her comfort and security) and to facilitate the 50/50 access with her father. He has said he would be moving to Woodbridge as well, but the last time we spoke (about 3 weeks ago) he said he might not move. He has seen the paperwork for her school application and agreed that I can list her primary residence as my mom's house as I need to show that the taxes are being directed to the seperate school board.
I am not happy with shared parenting, at least the way it works now. There is absolutely no communication between us. I just drove over to her daycare today and found out that she is not there today. I sent her dad a text to ask if she is sick, no answer. I am still very intimidated by him and feel pressured to agree with him due to the abuse I suffered. He does not call me to update me on anything with her. I cannot call him as every conversation turns into an argument. He does not have email. If we do have to meet in person again, we end up arguing, or worse, talking and he makes every attempt to guilt me into going back to him.
The day of her surgery was pure hell we had to spend 3-4 hours together and he just could not leave anything alone. He kept asking me why and insisting on a second chance, and then would get mad. I told him several times that we were only to talk about her and her surgery, that everything else could be saved for discussion with lawyers and another day. In the end I asked him to leave since he could not (in his words) stop himself from talking about the separation and his desire to prove to me that he could be a good husband. Since that day I cannot bring myself to deal with him, he has no ability to separate his feelings from what is right for our daughter.
I spoke with him last week and he was determined that I would drive her up to home at 8pm tomorrow after our counselling session ( 90 minute drive!). In court the judge had said that if the counselling was a late session that it was reasonable that she stay with me that night. I told him I would be taking her home, on the advice of the judge, as a drive of 90- minutes was unreasonable and she wouldn't get there until 9:30pm. I don't know if he is still against it.
I need to have her with me every Thurday evening for the next 3 months for our counselling sessions. I think 7 days apart is too long for a 3 year old. I have proposed that I have her every Wednesday and Thursday, he will have her every Monday and Tuesday and we rotate weekends. This is the MINIMUM I will accept. If he still insists on the 7 day schedule then I will be wanting to continue the Thursdays with me.
Though we currently have equal time, I ONLY accepted this because he was threatening to take her from me and not return her until the court made an order. he used threats and intimidation to get to the status quo. When we separated there was no evidence to support shared parenting. He was abusive,mentally and physically and had done this to me in FRONT of our daugher and and actually TOLD her DIRECTLY that I was stupid, fat etc.
He had not been involved in her parenting, made no effort to be a family and actively excluded me at times from parenting her and not allowing me time with her. He told me he would take her, threatened not to bring her back from visits with his mom, and actually picked her up from her bed one night and carried her downstairs with the intent to removing her from my care. Just because he has shared parenting right now does NOT mean that I accepted it. I was COERCED into it and was scared to fight him. I was scared it was going to turn into a huge battle and that she would get lost in the middle of it. I just wanted OUT, I just wanted to be safe and I knew that he would do anything to stop me from having her. I didn't want her to lose her dad (which was possible based on the abuse, his behaviour) so I chose not to file charges with the police. I did seek help from the womens shelters , saw counsellors and reported the abuse to family (his as well) and friends. They all advised me against continueing the 50/50, but I was too scared of the consequences to both of us if I stopped it or changed it. I do want her to have a good relationship with her dad, so that was another reason to continue the amount of time.
While I want this settled, I don't want him to have the power to intimidate me anymore. I AM threatend by him. I have tried to convince myself that he has changed, but every attempt we make to talk respectfully seems to fail. I have to go with my guts here. he has tried to stop me from making decsions in her best interest several times, and if I agree to joint custody he may do it again. Plus, the judge has already ordered that I be allowed to make health related, medical and counselling decisions and ordered him to comply. I beleive that already establishes that I effectively have the ability to make a final decision when we can't agree. Which is not *quite* sole custody, but effectively takes away his incentive to manipulate me. Given that I have ALWAYS made the decisions in reference to our daughter's health and schooling, and have been her primary caregiver since birth I can't see myself accepting anything less (or the court ordering joint custody) than the ability to make the decisions by myself if we can't agree.
As for the home sale, I am going to sign the papers tomorrow morning. I will either fax you a copy or send you a scan. The lawyer in charge of the sale has been directed to use any proceeds from the sale to pay off the joint line of Credit first (as it is part of the mortgage) and then to hold any monies until we have a final separation agreement. I doubt there will be anything left.
For the most part the furniture and house contents have been divided. However, he has disposed of a truck that was worth some money and has a whole garage full of tools. If the discussion moves towards equalization I want to have things divided as they are. We have verbally agreed not to divide pensions and RRSPs, to each pay certain debts and not to delve into full financial disclosure. We both know basically what went on and there is not point spending the money and time to do it with nothing to gain.
the lawyer has a copy of the last offer that I sent to him (dated Dec 21). That is basically what I want, other than the changes I mentioned here. That would be a starting point for negotiations. I would prefer to sit in on them if possible. I have been looking at case laws and I have some good case evidence that would support my getting sole custody while still maintaining the level of 50/50 access. I can try to have that information finished up for you by Monday and to get you my narrative as well.
the ex is aware of all this as it has been my plan since we separated. I plan on having her continue in her current daycare (to maintain her comfort and security) and to facilitate the 50/50 access with her father. He has said he would be moving to Woodbridge as well, but the last time we spoke (about 3 weeks ago) he said he might not move. He has seen the paperwork for her school application and agreed that I can list her primary residence as my mom's house as I need to show that the taxes are being directed to the seperate school board.
I am not happy with shared parenting, at least the way it works now. There is absolutely no communication between us. I just drove over to her daycare today and found out that she is not there today. I sent her dad a text to ask if she is sick, no answer. I am still very intimidated by him and feel pressured to agree with him due to the abuse I suffered. He does not call me to update me on anything with her. I cannot call him as every conversation turns into an argument. He does not have email. If we do have to meet in person again, we end up arguing, or worse, talking and he makes every attempt to guilt me into going back to him.
The day of her surgery was pure hell we had to spend 3-4 hours together and he just could not leave anything alone. He kept asking me why and insisting on a second chance, and then would get mad. I told him several times that we were only to talk about her and her surgery, that everything else could be saved for discussion with lawyers and another day. In the end I asked him to leave since he could not (in his words) stop himself from talking about the separation and his desire to prove to me that he could be a good husband. Since that day I cannot bring myself to deal with him, he has no ability to separate his feelings from what is right for our daughter.
I spoke with him last week and he was determined that I would drive her up to home at 8pm tomorrow after our counselling session ( 90 minute drive!). In court the judge had said that if the counselling was a late session that it was reasonable that she stay with me that night. I told him I would be taking her home, on the advice of the judge, as a drive of 90- minutes was unreasonable and she wouldn't get there until 9:30pm. I don't know if he is still against it.
I need to have her with me every Thurday evening for the next 3 months for our counselling sessions. I think 7 days apart is too long for a 3 year old. I have proposed that I have her every Wednesday and Thursday, he will have her every Monday and Tuesday and we rotate weekends. This is the MINIMUM I will accept. If he still insists on the 7 day schedule then I will be wanting to continue the Thursdays with me.
Though we currently have equal time, I ONLY accepted this because he was threatening to take her from me and not return her until the court made an order. he used threats and intimidation to get to the status quo. When we separated there was no evidence to support shared parenting. He was abusive,mentally and physically and had done this to me in FRONT of our daugher and and actually TOLD her DIRECTLY that I was stupid, fat etc.
He had not been involved in her parenting, made no effort to be a family and actively excluded me at times from parenting her and not allowing me time with her. He told me he would take her, threatened not to bring her back from visits with his mom, and actually picked her up from her bed one night and carried her downstairs with the intent to removing her from my care. Just because he has shared parenting right now does NOT mean that I accepted it. I was COERCED into it and was scared to fight him. I was scared it was going to turn into a huge battle and that she would get lost in the middle of it. I just wanted OUT, I just wanted to be safe and I knew that he would do anything to stop me from having her. I didn't want her to lose her dad (which was possible based on the abuse, his behaviour) so I chose not to file charges with the police. I did seek help from the womens shelters , saw counsellors and reported the abuse to family (his as well) and friends. They all advised me against continueing the 50/50, but I was too scared of the consequences to both of us if I stopped it or changed it. I do want her to have a good relationship with her dad, so that was another reason to continue the amount of time.
While I want this settled, I don't want him to have the power to intimidate me anymore. I AM threatend by him. I have tried to convince myself that he has changed, but every attempt we make to talk respectfully seems to fail. I have to go with my guts here. he has tried to stop me from making decsions in her best interest several times, and if I agree to joint custody he may do it again. Plus, the judge has already ordered that I be allowed to make health related, medical and counselling decisions and ordered him to comply. I beleive that already establishes that I effectively have the ability to make a final decision when we can't agree. Which is not *quite* sole custody, but effectively takes away his incentive to manipulate me. Given that I have ALWAYS made the decisions in reference to our daughter's health and schooling, and have been her primary caregiver since birth I can't see myself accepting anything less (or the court ordering joint custody) than the ability to make the decisions by myself if we can't agree.
As for the home sale, I am going to sign the papers tomorrow morning. I will either fax you a copy or send you a scan. The lawyer in charge of the sale has been directed to use any proceeds from the sale to pay off the joint line of Credit first (as it is part of the mortgage) and then to hold any monies until we have a final separation agreement. I doubt there will be anything left.
For the most part the furniture and house contents have been divided. However, he has disposed of a truck that was worth some money and has a whole garage full of tools. If the discussion moves towards equalization I want to have things divided as they are. We have verbally agreed not to divide pensions and RRSPs, to each pay certain debts and not to delve into full financial disclosure. We both know basically what went on and there is not point spending the money and time to do it with nothing to gain.
the lawyer has a copy of the last offer that I sent to him (dated Dec 21). That is basically what I want, other than the changes I mentioned here. That would be a starting point for negotiations. I would prefer to sit in on them if possible. I have been looking at case laws and I have some good case evidence that would support my getting sole custody while still maintaining the level of 50/50 access. I can try to have that information finished up for you by Monday and to get you my narrative as well.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Unreasonable?
I called ex on Monday and asked if I could have my daughter early today, as I had booked the day off and wanted to spend the day with her. His immediate answer was no, it's my time. I pointed out that he would be at work and would not lose any time with her. He said his mom was spending the day with her (but she would be with her grandmother all week).
I just wanted an extra long weekend with her since I haven't seen her in a week and my baby was hurting from her surgery.
I text him Tuesday morning saying I still would like to have her in the morning Friday. He calls back later saying I could have her, but only after he talked to his lawyer. He said he was taking the "high road" and said I was being selfish for wanting the extra time. He accused me of going away for the weekend. I responded that it was none of his business, but I wasn't anyway. He reluctantly said I could get her in the morning. I told him I wasn't sure if I could take the time off now.
So he tried calling me yesterday but I was at work, and I will not answer at work anymore because it is disruptive and we always argue. I forgot my phone charging in the car, but remembered to get in at 11:30 last night and sent him a quick text to tell him I had to work and I will pick her up at 5. He had called my cell earlier, but did not try to call the house, otherwise I would have talked to him.
So this morning he left me a message saying his car is broken down and he won't be able to bring her until after work. I don't know if it's true or not. The car was NOT broken down until he left a message at midnight last night.
This isn't the first time he has refused me extra time. I have always accomodated him and will continue to do so long as he gives me time to change my plans. I had offered to care for her on his week during the day, as I had booked vacation to do that already, but he had refused saying that it was his time and he would arrange care for her. Again, he wouldn't have lost any time with her, and she would have been cared for by her mother.
Am I being overly sensitive? I am hurt that I am not considered when she needs care just because it is "his time". I am her mother and I want to be there, but I would never take her away from him, he deserves her too. I don't know if the extra time is consediered "denial of access" but I told him I would be recording it. I understand he feels threatened by my bond with our daughter, but he is being selfish and not thinking of what is best for her. Wouldn't it be better for her to spend a little extra time with her mom?
I just wanted an extra long weekend with her since I haven't seen her in a week and my baby was hurting from her surgery.
I text him Tuesday morning saying I still would like to have her in the morning Friday. He calls back later saying I could have her, but only after he talked to his lawyer. He said he was taking the "high road" and said I was being selfish for wanting the extra time. He accused me of going away for the weekend. I responded that it was none of his business, but I wasn't anyway. He reluctantly said I could get her in the morning. I told him I wasn't sure if I could take the time off now.
So he tried calling me yesterday but I was at work, and I will not answer at work anymore because it is disruptive and we always argue. I forgot my phone charging in the car, but remembered to get in at 11:30 last night and sent him a quick text to tell him I had to work and I will pick her up at 5. He had called my cell earlier, but did not try to call the house, otherwise I would have talked to him.
So this morning he left me a message saying his car is broken down and he won't be able to bring her until after work. I don't know if it's true or not. The car was NOT broken down until he left a message at midnight last night.
This isn't the first time he has refused me extra time. I have always accomodated him and will continue to do so long as he gives me time to change my plans. I had offered to care for her on his week during the day, as I had booked vacation to do that already, but he had refused saying that it was his time and he would arrange care for her. Again, he wouldn't have lost any time with her, and she would have been cared for by her mother.
Am I being overly sensitive? I am hurt that I am not considered when she needs care just because it is "his time". I am her mother and I want to be there, but I would never take her away from him, he deserves her too. I don't know if the extra time is consediered "denial of access" but I told him I would be recording it. I understand he feels threatened by my bond with our daughter, but he is being selfish and not thinking of what is best for her. Wouldn't it be better for her to spend a little extra time with her mom?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Update..CAS and a lawyer!
Everything went fine. The woman was actually impressed that I was already addressing the impacts on Silvia by getting into counselling. She said she had no concerns and I was already doing everything she would have recommended.
I think she was only concerned that he and I might get back together. I told her it was very unlikely and that seems to please her. She said she would close the file after she spoke with him.
So today I had a consult with a lawyer. She seems relatively confident that we can negotiate. But she said that it is a risk that he will refuse all attempts based on his past reactions and personality.
Either way, I was forced to hire a lawyer, I can't do this on my own anymore. So I hired her. She was straightforward, honest and realistic. Everything I want in a lawyer. And she has a paralegal who is great and does a LOT of the work. But HOLY! the retainer was $5000! Reming me to transfer some money!!!
So She will be attending the Case Conference scheduled March 11. Hopefully we will have most of this agreed to by then. Otherwise the judge may take a nice chunk out of you-know-who's butt!
I think she was only concerned that he and I might get back together. I told her it was very unlikely and that seems to please her. She said she would close the file after she spoke with him.
So today I had a consult with a lawyer. She seems relatively confident that we can negotiate. But she said that it is a risk that he will refuse all attempts based on his past reactions and personality.
Either way, I was forced to hire a lawyer, I can't do this on my own anymore. So I hired her. She was straightforward, honest and realistic. Everything I want in a lawyer. And she has a paralegal who is great and does a LOT of the work. But HOLY! the retainer was $5000! Reming me to transfer some money!!!
So She will be attending the Case Conference scheduled March 11. Hopefully we will have most of this agreed to by then. Otherwise the judge may take a nice chunk out of you-know-who's butt!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
a visitor!
Guess who is coming by to visit me today....CAS! When Silvia and I went to our intake appointment for the abused mothers and children program they felt that they needed to report the fact that Silvia had witnessed abuse. I was ok with it, and they thought nothing would come of it since we had been living apart from Pedro for 6 months.
but nope! I get a call yesterday asking if they can come by. We were still in Barrie though after her pre-admission appointment for her surgery. So they are coming by tonight at 8:30. Bedtime. but bedtime will be later anyway, since we have dentist appointments at 6pm.
I am not too worried, since they will see a home where she is well loved, taken care of and has her own room and space to play. However I can't wait to find out how Pedro reacts! At least it was someone else who reported it. They asked me if I wanted to but I said no, because he would then try to claim that I was doing this vindictively.
Should I offer them cookies and milk??
but nope! I get a call yesterday asking if they can come by. We were still in Barrie though after her pre-admission appointment for her surgery. So they are coming by tonight at 8:30. Bedtime. but bedtime will be later anyway, since we have dentist appointments at 6pm.
I am not too worried, since they will see a home where she is well loved, taken care of and has her own room and space to play. However I can't wait to find out how Pedro reacts! At least it was someone else who reported it. They asked me if I wanted to but I said no, because he would then try to claim that I was doing this vindictively.
Should I offer them cookies and milk??
So yesterday She had her pre-admission appt for her surgery. Of course her Dad finally took an interest and showed up as well.
It was a hard day for me. I told him at first that all I wanted to talk about was how we were going to arrange her care for the week after surgery. But of course it didn't stay that way. He is still making excuses for every little "mistake" he makes. Everything was "oh, I was just mad", "I only did that because you said this.." When is he going to take responsisbility for his own actions???
He said I devastated him by serving him papers just before CHristmas. Did he stop and think how devastating it was to me that I was constntly asking for co-operation and all he could do was stall me, prevent me from moving forward? All because he cannot accept that he F'ed up and threw away everything.
He said yesterday that he wants another chance, to prove to me that he can be a good husband, to treat me the way I should have been, to support me like I always supported him. I asked him why he didn't do that before? Why did you wait until I had nothing left to give? He said he wanted to give me 100% effort, he wants to know he did everything he could to make this work. I told him that I already had given 100%, I could walk away knowing that I gave him every chance and he chose not to act on it. I told him if he had realized this a year ago, that he might have a chance, but now it's too late. I need to be by myself.
Of course there were nasty things said. He threatened to go get a doctor's record that his ear drum had been popped when I slapped him 8 years ago. I said fine, you do realize that I can still report the assault from June? He says he doesn't want to play dirty, but he still won't agree to the Christmas schedule and wants us each to have every other year. I told him that I did not have to give him 50/50 time from the beginning and that if I had been playing nasty from the beginnning then he would only have her every other weekend. He admitted that he knew that. I told him I gave him the chance to be the father he had never been, and he had shown that he could do it. SO I said you have to be fair too.
He really is desperate. He was practically begging for a second chance and I told him that. I said no. You do what is best for your daughter right now and focus on that. He asked if he had really hurt me that bad. I looked at him and told him "yes, you did."
It was a hard day for me. I told him at first that all I wanted to talk about was how we were going to arrange her care for the week after surgery. But of course it didn't stay that way. He is still making excuses for every little "mistake" he makes. Everything was "oh, I was just mad", "I only did that because you said this.." When is he going to take responsisbility for his own actions???
He said I devastated him by serving him papers just before CHristmas. Did he stop and think how devastating it was to me that I was constntly asking for co-operation and all he could do was stall me, prevent me from moving forward? All because he cannot accept that he F'ed up and threw away everything.
He said yesterday that he wants another chance, to prove to me that he can be a good husband, to treat me the way I should have been, to support me like I always supported him. I asked him why he didn't do that before? Why did you wait until I had nothing left to give? He said he wanted to give me 100% effort, he wants to know he did everything he could to make this work. I told him that I already had given 100%, I could walk away knowing that I gave him every chance and he chose not to act on it. I told him if he had realized this a year ago, that he might have a chance, but now it's too late. I need to be by myself.
Of course there were nasty things said. He threatened to go get a doctor's record that his ear drum had been popped when I slapped him 8 years ago. I said fine, you do realize that I can still report the assault from June? He says he doesn't want to play dirty, but he still won't agree to the Christmas schedule and wants us each to have every other year. I told him that I did not have to give him 50/50 time from the beginning and that if I had been playing nasty from the beginnning then he would only have her every other weekend. He admitted that he knew that. I told him I gave him the chance to be the father he had never been, and he had shown that he could do it. SO I said you have to be fair too.
He really is desperate. He was practically begging for a second chance and I told him that. I said no. You do what is best for your daughter right now and focus on that. He asked if he had really hurt me that bad. I looked at him and told him "yes, you did."
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